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Post by Jack Lupus on Mar 4, 2007 4:05:19 GMT -5
Kait was sitting up in the dark, alone. It took her a ragged three or four breaths to realize she was in her own room, in bed, and that her own shout had awakened her.
Kaitlyn sat still for a few moments, praying that she wouldn’t hear anyone coming to find out if she was okay. She wasn’t, but she still hoped no one would respond. There wasn’t anyone if the house who’d been sleeping for a while now.
She stayed still for a long time. Mercifully, no one showed up, and Kait began to relax, realizing that she might have expected this outcome if she’d really thought about it. The twins, when they slept these days, slept hard, in utter exhaustion. Their dad lately had been doing much the same, a change from the previous month, when he had hardly slept at all. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that he’d been afraid to fall asleep, because of who he would, again and again, not find beside him when he woke up. Finally his body had overruled that kind of behavior and now was trying to sleep too much, to not wake up at all, if possible. The reasons were the same, and just thinking about them made Kait want to cry all over again.
There was no chance of going back to sleep, so Kait showered and got dressed, ate a cereal bowl’s worth of breakfast that she didn’t really feel like eating, and then dawdled over a cup of tea until it was time to wake Xander. This was an addition to Kait’s morning that she heartily wished she didn’t have to deal with, but Xander really needed her to do it. Recently he’d been turning off his alarm clock and going back to sleep without even being aware of having done so.
She knocked at the bedroom door. “Xander?”
No answer.
“Xand… it’s six thirty.”
After a few seconds came the sound Kait had been bracing herself for. The sound she didn’t think Xander knew he made: a low, miserable moan, which spoke entirely too clearly of how he felt, deep down inside, all the time now. But this was the only time of day that sound got out, before he was completely awake. Kait controlled herself as strictly as she could, absolutely intent on not making things any worse for him by sounding miserable herself.
“I’ll get the coffee started.” Kaitlyn said before she went down to the kitchen and did that. She had mixed feelings about making Xander’s coffee: That had always been what her mother did, first thing. Kait also wasn’t sure if she was making it strong enough – her mom had always joked that Xander didn’t want any coffee that didn’t actually start to dissolve the cup. Kait, being new at this, was still experimenting with slight changes to the package directions, a little more each morning, and secretly dreading the day when she would get it right, and it would forcible remind Xander who had not made it.
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Post by Evlyn Montgomary on Mar 4, 2007 17:07:14 GMT -5
Xander showered, shaved, and dressed before making his way to the kitchen. He had always known how to take care of himself, but this somehow made him look even more miserable. Outside of the house; at work, the grocery store, all of the places he had to go when he instead felt like curling up and dying on the floor... in those places he could fake a smile, make people unable to notice the sunken cheeks and reddened eyes. He could still be all rugged good looks and he hated himself for it- she was the only one that deserved to see him like that.
Banishing the thoughts from his mind he slouched into his chair with a bare 'Morning' directed at Kait. He loved the girl like his own daughter, and he'd be strong for her, and for the twins, but he wouldn't- couldn't- pretend to be cheerful. It just seemed.... wrong.
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Post by Jack Lupus on Mar 4, 2007 19:34:44 GMT -5
Kait set the mug down in front of him after it was finished brewing, nodding in acknowledgment. She tried to smile, she really did, because it would restore some semblance of normalcy in the house that hadn’t heard laughter for months, but every time she tried it felt like her face would crack from the effort.
Failing that, she tried to think of something encouraging to say, something to give him hope that, against all odds, the surgery would work and everything would go back to normal for all of them. She couldn’t bring herself to do that either.
“I’ll get the boys up.” This was another new part of her routine that she resented with a passion. The twins were upset and angry with life and were equally resentful of her new duties. Kait couldn’t exactly blame them though. If she had an older sibling, she’d take it out on them too.
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Post by Evlyn Montgomary on Mar 4, 2007 21:44:25 GMT -5
"You want me to do it?" Xander asked out of habit, knowing the responsibilities that had been handed off to the girl.
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Post by Jack Lupus on Mar 16, 2007 22:31:43 GMT -5
“No.” Kait lied. The boys, not fully conscious in the mornings couldn’t really be held responsible for what they said, no matter how hurtful, but that didn’t mean she could just let Xander deal with it. If she could at least make this easier for him, then she would. “I got it.”
“Don’t bother.” Nathan grumbled, already rummaging through the fridge. “We’re up. Mostly.”
He let the silence be for a moment, drinking orange juice straight from the bottle. “When’re we leaving to see mom?”
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Post by Evlyn Montgomary on Mar 16, 2007 22:56:15 GMT -5
Xander sighed, looking down. "Soon... I guess soon..."
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Post by Jack Lupus on Mar 21, 2007 15:22:15 GMT -5
“When?” Nate pressed belligerently, pointedly ignoring the murderous look Kait was shooting in his direction. "We gonna leave sometime this century, you know, before she dies of old age?"
“Nathan!” Kait yelled at her younger sibling, looking more bewildered than angry. “How can you talk like that?” She rounded on Xander. “How can you let him talk like that?”
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Post by Evlyn Montgomary on Mar 31, 2007 17:37:54 GMT -5
Xander shrugged slightly, ducking the question. "We hould probably get going...."
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Post by Jack Lupus on Apr 1, 2007 14:39:50 GMT -5
“I’ll get James.” Nathan turned on his heel, but not before shooting a triumphant glance at his sister. He wasn’t gonna let her take charge without giving her hell first. He ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time before coming to a grinding halt in front of his twin’s room. “Wake up or we’re leaving you!”
Kait let out a strangled sigh as soon as she heard her brother’s footsteps banging up the stair. She turned towards Xander without looking at him, back very straight. “I’m not trying to take her place.”
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Post by Evlyn Montgomary on Apr 1, 2007 14:47:37 GMT -5
"You're not taking her place." Xander agreed, standing up and rubbing his eye tiredly. "No one's taking her place."
"I'm up, shit..." James grouched. He was up and dressed, but just sitting until he felt like coming downstairs for their stupid family breakfast. It wasn't even like they were a family anymore, why did he have to act like it? In the end, Nathan was the only one of the three he really listened to or cared about.
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Post by Jack Lupus on Apr 1, 2007 14:55:23 GMT -5
Kait squeezed her eyes closed, letting her posture slip. That wasn’t the response she’d been wanting. Not by a long shot. She wanted him to say ‘I know you’re not’. But then, he wasn’t in any shape to comfort anyone, no matter how much she needed it.
“Then get downstairs so we can leave.” Nate kept up the hyper, louder than necessary tone while he rummaged around his room for some spare change. He hated visiting his mom empty handed. “How much cash you got?”
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Post by Evlyn Montgomary on Apr 1, 2007 15:06:37 GMT -5
"Twenty bucks." James shrugged slightly. He'd been saving up his past week's lunch money for him and Nathan for this visit.
"Youv'e.... been doing a good job, though..." xander said softly. "Keeping everyting running...."
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Post by Jack Lupus on Apr 1, 2007 15:37:22 GMT -5
“A’right, we should have enough.” Nate shoved a few loose bills into his pocket. Even between the two of them, it was hard to scrounge up enough for flowers at the over priced hospital gift shop. Granted, James was usually the one to pull through with cash. Nate tended to blow his money the moment he laid hands on it. He paused in his brother’s doorway, leaning against the frame. “Let’s go already. Unless you have a prior engagement…”
“Right,” Kait replied with no more infliction than was necessary. She was being selfish, expecting everyone to ignore their problems and give her a pat on the back for trying to hold together a pack of ungrateful, annoying… She sighed, letting the thought slip away.
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Post by Evlyn Montgomary on Apr 1, 2007 15:41:41 GMT -5
"I'm coming, dammit." James sapped flatly, standing up. He wanted to get mad at somebody, but he never felt like he had the energy for it.
"I'll be in the car." xander said, grabbing his set of keys off the wall and walking out the door without waiting for anyone else. He tended to do things on his own schedule now, other people be damned. Plus, it always took him a minute or so to force himself into the big SUV that always managed to depress him. It was better than his sports car, though, the one he always used to drive her around in...
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Post by Jack Lupus on Apr 1, 2007 15:52:02 GMT -5
“Don’t b*tch at me.” Nate responded just as flatly before heading down the stairs. “I didn’t give her cancer.” No one was exempt from his cruel remarks, not even his twin, though he directed most of his anger at Kait and his father.
Kait allowed him a few moments before following after. She’d learned that standing around waiting for him to get himself into the car didn’t make him go any faster. She put the dishes in the sink and was drying her hands as Nathan came down the stairs.
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Post by Evlyn Montgomary on Apr 1, 2007 15:57:28 GMT -5
James shrugged the comment off, really too apathetic to care, before following his twin down the stairs, hands shoved into his pockets and his head low.
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Post by Jack Lupus on Apr 1, 2007 21:29:30 GMT -5
“Let’s go sis.” Nate ordered before trudging out into the garage. He eyed his father for a moment before getting into the front passenger seat. “While we’re young, pops.” He muttered, buckling his seat belt. Kait followed behind, strapping herself into the back seat without comment.
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Post by Evlyn Montgomary on Apr 1, 2007 21:47:50 GMT -5
"Yeah..." Xander sighed, running a hand back through his hair before trudging into the truck and turning it on.
James pressed the button to open the garage door before getting in, mentally grumbling about his father driving through it if he wasn't there to do that.
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Post by Jack Lupus on Apr 1, 2007 22:03:05 GMT -5
Nathan flipped through a cd case idly, waiting for his dad to turn on the car so they could listen to something. Kait had warned him to be careful what he played, nothing that would hurt Xander or remind him of mom. Luckily for him, Kait was sulking in the backseat. “At this rate, visiting hours’ll be over.” He muttered in an off hand tone.
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Post by Evlyn Montgomary on Apr 1, 2007 22:05:21 GMT -5
"It's still morning..." xander said a little defensively and he turned the car on and backed out, showing for once that he still had at least a little bit of a backbone left.
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