Post by Jack Lupus on Jul 6, 2007 20:39:47 GMT -5
((crackfic!))
When Xander disappears from his room on a Saturday morning, Cassandra does not expect to find him ten seconds later flailing in a pile of his own clothes.
This is what happens:
When Cass wakes up to an empty bed, the first thing she does is check the bathroom door (it’s open), the windows (his car is still parked in the driveway), and the closet (he’s ended up in weirder places). No Xander.
“Xand?” she calls, slipping into a skimpy tank top.
Something shuffles in the bathroom, and Cass pauses, grinning wickedly and edging towards the noise – back to the wall, guiding her hip along the edge of the computer desk and jumping in front of the open door to find-
Xand’s faded jeans, bunched up into a lump on the floor.
Just as Cass sighs and starts to turn away, the lump makes a scuffling noise and wiggles a little.
Cassie freezes and reconsiders her refusal to wash his clothes when she spends the night. “Xander?” she calls again, grabbing a hair brush to probe the infested pants.
Another shuffle, and what appears to be a black glistening button wiggles loose from inside one of the pant legs.
Cassandra frowns – hesitates- leans closer, with the brush held in a menacing manner. Only when the button sniffles and twitches a bit does she realize that it’s actually a nose. Cass lowers the brush.
“Xand?” she asks, slowly.
Xander barks.
“What the f**k.” Says Cassandra.
~
So maybe Cass has wondered occasionally what Xander would look like as a puppy. It’s not something she brings up, because no matter how you cut it, it’s just awkward for her to say, “You know, I’d bet you were a cute fluffy puppy,” as it is for Xand to hear it.
So, no discussion of Xander’s potential adorableness as a puppy – there’s really no need for it now, though, since he appears to be one.
Maybe.
Cass groans, runs a hand through her hair, blinks a few times. Looks again.
And the puppy is still there, trying to wiggle out of the pant leg, ears twitching in an agitated flicker. It’s disproportionately large paws are tangled up with the hem and each other, and as Cassie watches, the puppy seems to brace itself before giving a vicious tug at the jeans and tumbles head-over-heels onto the tile.
The only way Cass can conceive of dealing with this shit right now: sarcasm and coffee.
“Hey!” she says, starring at the little wolf pup like she has just discovered something especially surprising. “You look almost exactly like this guy I had in bed last night.”
When Xander nearly snaps her hand off, she leaves, albeit hastily, to get her coffee.
She really hopes Xander doesn’t pee on the bed.
~
When Cass gets back, she finds the puppy perched on the bed, front paws on a magazine and nose nudging the page.
It’s a good thing Cass is exceptional at overlooking things that weird her out on a very fundamental level.
She sighs, dropping a paper plate onto the floor and uncapping a bottle of aquafina.
“Alright, Xando,” she says when the pup takes no notice of her. “Drink up before you start lapping from the toilet.”
The wolf looks over, distracted, takes one look at the water before making a distinct scoffing noise and turning back to the magazine. Cass just rolls her eyes and, without missing a beat, drops another plate next to the first; before the coffee’s even filled the plate, the puppy has hopped down from the chair, sniffing the air, it’s stubby tail wagging.
It laps the coffee tentatively, and Cass says, “Hurry before it eats through the floor.”
Its left ear lifts up a little, and Cass has to remind herself that it’s ridiculous to think a wolf can raise its eyebrows.
“Well,” Cass says, rubbing a hand over the back of her neck. “You’re at least part Xand.”
~
“Listen, Daddy, this morning, uh, Xand – he woke up a –“
A bark.
“What? What the hell’s wrong with that?”
A thump of the tail.
“Except you really did.”
Silence.
“You think that’ll worry him? You think that’ll worry him.
…Yeah, that might worry him.”
Xand just squirms in Cassie’s lap.
“How about, ‘Hey, Dad! Uh, nothing to worry about, but Xand kind of Changed, but into a puppy, and – “
A growl.
“What? That could’ve been what happened, we don’t know – ow!”
Cass stops, glaring a little and rubbing her wrist. Xand just tilts his head to the side, all, “What, me? Bite you? But I’m just a puppy!” Here he yawns wide, showing all his sharp puppy teeth.
Cass sighs, frustrated. “What the hell do you want me to say, Xand? ‘Hey, Daddy, - you know how I’ve always wanted a puppy?”
Xander just whines.
“…Yeah, we’ll call him later.”
~
They argue over where to get lunch – that is, Cass tries to yell over Xander’s barking and pretends to be immune to Xander’s whimpering.
When they get into the car, Cass turns on the ignition and says, “We’re driving until I find a place that doesn’t allow animals. And then I’ll leave you here to cook in the car.”
Xand just rolls his eyes and pants a little at the window, breath fogging up the glass.
“If you even think about scratching up my upholstery,” Cass says darkly without looking over, “I’m taking you to the vet to get neutered.”
~
The first time Xand climbs into the armrest and sticks his head out the window, Cass nearly drives off the side of the road,
“What the f**k are you doing, you crazy mutt?” she grits out, knuckles white on the steering wheel.
Xand turns to look at her, one ear flapping in the wind and head tilted as if to say, “Dogs do it all the time, Cass, stop freaking out.”
“Whatever, Xander,” says Cass. “I’m not gonna try to explain to your parents why I let you die as road kill and a wolf.”
Xand snuffles.
“Maybe we’ll just get you a leash, then.”
The look that Xand gives Cass has her laughing for five minutes straight.
~
Cass decides, after the fifth restaurant they come to also welcomes animals of any shape or size, that she’s just got to pick her battles. When she threatens Xand again with the vet, though, Xander just trots between her legs and the open door, and hops easily into the booth, tongue out and tail thumping against the leather.
“Ooooh,” coos their waitress – Debby – all blonde hair and double-D cups, “He’s so cute – is he yours?”
“Yeah,” Cass growls and discovers puppy- Xand does a mean, mean smirk.
Oh, if there weren’t laws against animal cruelty, thinks Cassie.
~
Cass is still scowling after their dinner, and maybe Xander feels guilty or maybe he’s just less spiteful after he eats, but he ambles over to Cass cautiously, and when Cassie doesn’t protest, he nuzzles his head against Cass’ hand, thumping his tail when Cass scratches his ears.
~
Maybe the universe has finally figured that it’s given the couple enough shit, or maybe they’re just lucky for the one freak time, but as abruptly as Xand had changed, he changes back.
This is what happens:
When Cass comes back from the bathroom to an empty room, the first thing she does is check the door (it’s closed), the windows (car’s still there), and the foot of the bed (in front of which are both paper plates, one filled with water and the other stained brown, and one of her boots, half gnawed on and wet with slobber). No Xander.
“Xander?” she calls, a bone in one hand and a pair of jeans in the other. Just to cover all the bases.
“Ngh,” says Xand, pushing himself up from under the desk and wrapping a hoodie around his waist.
Xand’s hair is sticking up everywhere, bangs flopping into his eyes and one massive hand rubbing across his chest. Cass can’t help it. She cracks up.
“Xander,” She says, wiping her eyes, “you were a puppy.”
“A cute and fluffy one,” Xander corrects, “And did I really chew on your shoe?”
Cass just throws her head back and laughs some more.
~
“I bought a collar earlier,” Cass smirks, leaning against the bathroom door and watching Xand brush his teeth for the forth time. “Should I get rid of it?”
She catches Xand’s eye in the mirror, and smirks wider.
“No,” Xander says, after a pause, mouth full of toothpaste.
~
When Cassie climbs on top of him, she freezes. “You’re not gonna turn into a puppy anytime soon are you? ‘Cause, bestiality and statutory rape? – That might be a line.”
Xand just laughs against her lips. “I’ll warn you before that happens.”
“Maybe you should put the collar on now,” Cass smirks, “just in case.”
When Xander disappears from his room on a Saturday morning, Cassandra does not expect to find him ten seconds later flailing in a pile of his own clothes.
This is what happens:
When Cass wakes up to an empty bed, the first thing she does is check the bathroom door (it’s open), the windows (his car is still parked in the driveway), and the closet (he’s ended up in weirder places). No Xander.
“Xand?” she calls, slipping into a skimpy tank top.
Something shuffles in the bathroom, and Cass pauses, grinning wickedly and edging towards the noise – back to the wall, guiding her hip along the edge of the computer desk and jumping in front of the open door to find-
Xand’s faded jeans, bunched up into a lump on the floor.
Just as Cass sighs and starts to turn away, the lump makes a scuffling noise and wiggles a little.
Cassie freezes and reconsiders her refusal to wash his clothes when she spends the night. “Xander?” she calls again, grabbing a hair brush to probe the infested pants.
Another shuffle, and what appears to be a black glistening button wiggles loose from inside one of the pant legs.
Cassandra frowns – hesitates- leans closer, with the brush held in a menacing manner. Only when the button sniffles and twitches a bit does she realize that it’s actually a nose. Cass lowers the brush.
“Xand?” she asks, slowly.
Xander barks.
“What the f**k.” Says Cassandra.
~
So maybe Cass has wondered occasionally what Xander would look like as a puppy. It’s not something she brings up, because no matter how you cut it, it’s just awkward for her to say, “You know, I’d bet you were a cute fluffy puppy,” as it is for Xand to hear it.
So, no discussion of Xander’s potential adorableness as a puppy – there’s really no need for it now, though, since he appears to be one.
Maybe.
Cass groans, runs a hand through her hair, blinks a few times. Looks again.
And the puppy is still there, trying to wiggle out of the pant leg, ears twitching in an agitated flicker. It’s disproportionately large paws are tangled up with the hem and each other, and as Cassie watches, the puppy seems to brace itself before giving a vicious tug at the jeans and tumbles head-over-heels onto the tile.
The only way Cass can conceive of dealing with this shit right now: sarcasm and coffee.
“Hey!” she says, starring at the little wolf pup like she has just discovered something especially surprising. “You look almost exactly like this guy I had in bed last night.”
When Xander nearly snaps her hand off, she leaves, albeit hastily, to get her coffee.
She really hopes Xander doesn’t pee on the bed.
~
When Cass gets back, she finds the puppy perched on the bed, front paws on a magazine and nose nudging the page.
It’s a good thing Cass is exceptional at overlooking things that weird her out on a very fundamental level.
She sighs, dropping a paper plate onto the floor and uncapping a bottle of aquafina.
“Alright, Xando,” she says when the pup takes no notice of her. “Drink up before you start lapping from the toilet.”
The wolf looks over, distracted, takes one look at the water before making a distinct scoffing noise and turning back to the magazine. Cass just rolls her eyes and, without missing a beat, drops another plate next to the first; before the coffee’s even filled the plate, the puppy has hopped down from the chair, sniffing the air, it’s stubby tail wagging.
It laps the coffee tentatively, and Cass says, “Hurry before it eats through the floor.”
Its left ear lifts up a little, and Cass has to remind herself that it’s ridiculous to think a wolf can raise its eyebrows.
“Well,” Cass says, rubbing a hand over the back of her neck. “You’re at least part Xand.”
~
“Listen, Daddy, this morning, uh, Xand – he woke up a –“
A bark.
“What? What the hell’s wrong with that?”
A thump of the tail.
“Except you really did.”
Silence.
“You think that’ll worry him? You think that’ll worry him.
…Yeah, that might worry him.”
Xand just squirms in Cassie’s lap.
“How about, ‘Hey, Dad! Uh, nothing to worry about, but Xand kind of Changed, but into a puppy, and – “
A growl.
“What? That could’ve been what happened, we don’t know – ow!”
Cass stops, glaring a little and rubbing her wrist. Xand just tilts his head to the side, all, “What, me? Bite you? But I’m just a puppy!” Here he yawns wide, showing all his sharp puppy teeth.
Cass sighs, frustrated. “What the hell do you want me to say, Xand? ‘Hey, Daddy, - you know how I’ve always wanted a puppy?”
Xander just whines.
“…Yeah, we’ll call him later.”
~
They argue over where to get lunch – that is, Cass tries to yell over Xander’s barking and pretends to be immune to Xander’s whimpering.
When they get into the car, Cass turns on the ignition and says, “We’re driving until I find a place that doesn’t allow animals. And then I’ll leave you here to cook in the car.”
Xand just rolls his eyes and pants a little at the window, breath fogging up the glass.
“If you even think about scratching up my upholstery,” Cass says darkly without looking over, “I’m taking you to the vet to get neutered.”
~
The first time Xand climbs into the armrest and sticks his head out the window, Cass nearly drives off the side of the road,
“What the f**k are you doing, you crazy mutt?” she grits out, knuckles white on the steering wheel.
Xand turns to look at her, one ear flapping in the wind and head tilted as if to say, “Dogs do it all the time, Cass, stop freaking out.”
“Whatever, Xander,” says Cass. “I’m not gonna try to explain to your parents why I let you die as road kill and a wolf.”
Xand snuffles.
“Maybe we’ll just get you a leash, then.”
The look that Xand gives Cass has her laughing for five minutes straight.
~
Cass decides, after the fifth restaurant they come to also welcomes animals of any shape or size, that she’s just got to pick her battles. When she threatens Xand again with the vet, though, Xander just trots between her legs and the open door, and hops easily into the booth, tongue out and tail thumping against the leather.
“Ooooh,” coos their waitress – Debby – all blonde hair and double-D cups, “He’s so cute – is he yours?”
“Yeah,” Cass growls and discovers puppy- Xand does a mean, mean smirk.
Oh, if there weren’t laws against animal cruelty, thinks Cassie.
~
Cass is still scowling after their dinner, and maybe Xander feels guilty or maybe he’s just less spiteful after he eats, but he ambles over to Cass cautiously, and when Cassie doesn’t protest, he nuzzles his head against Cass’ hand, thumping his tail when Cass scratches his ears.
~
Maybe the universe has finally figured that it’s given the couple enough shit, or maybe they’re just lucky for the one freak time, but as abruptly as Xand had changed, he changes back.
This is what happens:
When Cass comes back from the bathroom to an empty room, the first thing she does is check the door (it’s closed), the windows (car’s still there), and the foot of the bed (in front of which are both paper plates, one filled with water and the other stained brown, and one of her boots, half gnawed on and wet with slobber). No Xander.
“Xander?” she calls, a bone in one hand and a pair of jeans in the other. Just to cover all the bases.
“Ngh,” says Xand, pushing himself up from under the desk and wrapping a hoodie around his waist.
Xand’s hair is sticking up everywhere, bangs flopping into his eyes and one massive hand rubbing across his chest. Cass can’t help it. She cracks up.
“Xander,” She says, wiping her eyes, “you were a puppy.”
“A cute and fluffy one,” Xander corrects, “And did I really chew on your shoe?”
Cass just throws her head back and laughs some more.
~
“I bought a collar earlier,” Cass smirks, leaning against the bathroom door and watching Xand brush his teeth for the forth time. “Should I get rid of it?”
She catches Xand’s eye in the mirror, and smirks wider.
“No,” Xander says, after a pause, mouth full of toothpaste.
~
When Cassie climbs on top of him, she freezes. “You’re not gonna turn into a puppy anytime soon are you? ‘Cause, bestiality and statutory rape? – That might be a line.”
Xand just laughs against her lips. “I’ll warn you before that happens.”
“Maybe you should put the collar on now,” Cass smirks, “just in case.”
