Post by Jack Lupus on Jul 5, 2007 8:42:36 GMT -5
In the beginning, Cass refused to admit to enjoying the time she spent with Xander, but there were some things she’d confess to like doing with him. There was fighting. There was the arguing. There was makeup sex. It was even okay partying with him as long as they didn’t stay too long. But best of all was betting.
They wagered with each other all the time. About who could drink the most. About who could tag the tallest building. About who could Change the fastest. About who could touch silver the longest. About who could creep out the most humans. Needless to say, it was the type of thing they did when there was nothing better to do and they were both bored.
But Cass liked betting with Xand because it had rules, definite boundaries she could use to box him in. It was one of the safest ways to be around the pure blood, so she naturally used it to her advantage. Xand never backed away from a bet, never refused to abide by whatever torture came with a loss. Cassie couldn’t say the same. It might have been unfair, but it was hardly the worst of the cruelties she dealt out to him. He never called her on it and she continued to get away with it. Though, secretly, she was well aware that she owed Xander 357 kisses and a backrub. Maybe she’d let him collect in her old age.
Xander always came back for more, of course. Wagering was one of first things he did when she got alcohol poisoning, in an attempt to keep her awake. He bet her that he could think of more people who loved him than she could think of those who loved her. He began with Carrie, of course, but she disqualified that, since they’d been in a fight for over three weeks. So he said “Sandy”, and Cass had to accept it.
She returned with “Frank.” He nodded and tried not to let her see his panic. He’d suddenly run out of people. So he unhesitantly began to invent a string of women.
“Sarah.”
“Tony.”
“Rachel.”
“Um. Patrick.”
“Vickie.”
Cass was panicking now, definitely waking up. Faces kept flashing through her mind and she kept rejecting them for the word ‘love’. Now that she thought about it, it was amazing how many enemies she could recall, all with the mental word ‘hate’ stamped on their foreheads.
“My mom.” Cass finally squeaked out.
“There you go, Cassie, I knew you could think of another one! Me, I have tons of other selections. Why, there’s… there’s… um…” He blinked and looked down at her. “Shit, Cass, I can’t think of anyone else. Looks like we’re tied.” He paused for a moment, then caught her eyes again. “Unless you can think of one more person.”
“Can I say family friends? Since I have to put up with them several times a year?”
“Nope, sorry. They love your daddy’s money.”
“Xander!” Cass growled, vaguely insulted.
“Xander!” He shouted, sitting up. “One other person who loves you! Dammit, Cass, I guess you win.” He sighed dramatically, his entire body slumped. “So you get to dress me for the next three days. You’re brutal with these wages.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Cass grinned, any lingering resentment fading away.
~
Now they were both months away from that initial wager. They were entirely different people than they’d been then, just after Jack left. Their intimacy had grown, at the expense of their friendliness. They still had their bets, but that was about as comfortable as she got around him these days. At least with their clothes on.
She was walking on the evening during her father’s birthday party, she’d snuck out to get away from the family friends. She knew where she was headed the whole time, in the back of her head, even though she’d set out to wander aimlessly.
As if on cue, she heard Xand’s voice over her left shoulder. “Can I help you, Miss?”
Cass closed her eyes and stood in place. “No, I’m fine. I have to get home before they miss me.”
”No problem, I won’t keep you. I just wanted to say thanks.”
Trust him to surprise her. She spun around and glared at him. “What? Why?”
She caught him in the middle of taking a drag from his cigarette and he couldn’t quite look her in the eye. “Well, I didn’t get to say this at the party, but I saw what you did. When that trash Frank brought wanted to buy you a drink, you could’ve said yes. It wouldn’t have meant anything, really, but you knew it’d hurt me. And you didn’t. So, I just wanted to say thanks, because I don’t think I say it enough. Thanks.”
Cass let out a deep sigh. “Xand, why do you have to do that?”
“Do what?”
“Act all sweet when I’m trying to figure out the ways you’re a bad influence on me. Where’s all that ‘move in with me’ talk now?”
Xand snorted. “I still want you to, just not the kind of thing I thought to bring up. Unless you’re in the mood to pack your bags?”
“You just can’t shut up, can you?” She asked, a hint of a grin on her lips. “Xand, I bet you can’t shut up for even a day.”
He looked back with a new flame of hope burning in him. “It’s a wager you want, Cassie?” He asked, thanking God for old routines they could fall back on. “Why not tell me the stakes?”
“Everything.” Cass answered. “I win and you give up. I don’t care how you feel, you just don’t get to act on it. You leave me alone forever.”
“And if I win?”
Cassie’s throat was so tight she could barely croak out a response. “I’ll try,” She said. “I’ll admit that we’re going out. And you and I will actually work at this thing we have.” She shook her head, causing her choppy bangs to fall over her eyes. “But for stakes this high it has to be more than a day.”
“No arguments here,” Xand replied. “So, how ‘bout this: I’ll stay silent until the day you beg me to talk again.”
Cass stared at him. No way he was going to be able to pull that off. And have her beg? Was he giving her an out? Ready to accept defeat? A small part of her hoped not. “You’d do that?”
Xand nodded. “That and more. You never believed that I’d do anything for you, and I’ve been waiting for you to really challenge me. Now I get to show you what I can do with a little inspiration.” He took three large steps forward, his right hand extended. “Do you accept?”
She took his hand and they shook, solemnly, both looking at the interlocked hands. She heard him whisper, “I love you,” then she looked up. He mimed a zipper being drawn across his lips, then smirked at her. He actually had to tug his hand out of her own, something told her she might not get to touch him again for some time.
But Xand appeared joyful, with a laugh almost ready to burst from him. He actually had a bounce to his step when he turned to walk back to his house.
Cass watched him leave, then suddenly looked to her watch. “Shit!” She squeaked, and set off for her house at a dead run.
~
Xander went missing from Cass’ life for five days. It was strange how little that affected her routine. To Cassie it was like part of her day was missing, like the mail stopped coming for a week. But no one else commented on it, he was never mentioned at the parties, or at school either. She’d taken Xander for granted for a while anyway, and a week without his presence at the pack meetings was nothing new. But Cassandra felt his absence, and reflected on the fact that he fit into those little space in her life where nothing else did. The friends, the family, the pack, the shopping, the time she spent sleeping, it all added up until there were just pits and pieces of her week that weren’t full. And those places were where she usually placed Xander. Each meeting was at her convenience, as if he weren’t worthy of disrupting her life at all. God, those first three days she stayed over at his place, hadn’t he practically begged her for just a crumb of affection? It seemed that was just what she’d been allowing him for weeks now: crumbs of her precious time.
For Xand’s part, he spent those days practicing. He knew he could control himself enough not to speak around Cassie or the pack, no matter what they would do to get a rise out of him. But what if someone surprised him? The stakes were far too high to let something like that happen. So he practiced being completely silent with himself alone, never uttering a sound as he puttered around his place or walked around at night. On the third day he went to a bar for a drink and stayed awhile to see what the kids were talking about these days. He got into a satisfying bar fight and tore a souvenir earring off some wangster, all without speaking once. His greatest test came on the fifth day when he was fixing a bookcase in his room. He let the hammer slip and smashed his thumb. For a full second he felt sure that he would scream, but a second can stretch out in intense pain. In that second he was able to weigh all options, gather strength he usually didn’t use outside of bar room fights, and clench his jaw. He didn’t even grunt as he looked at the poor thumb, throbbing in waves of pain.
He was ready, time for the Frank test.
The little bell announced Xand’s arrival in the shop, the pack’s daytime hangout, and everyone looked up to see who’d entered. All eyes then turned back to what they were doing, except for Cassie’s. He held her eyes and gave her a winning smile, the whole world disappearing for a moment except for them. Then his smile became a smirk, and he loped forward and took a chair at the table beside Frank, lounging indolently there.
“Well, well,” Frank growled. “Look who’s decided to grace us with his presence.”
Xander just sat, looking at the ceiling, or silently counting the books on the shelves. Cassie was squirming in her seat on the other side of the room but she kept her eyes locked on the tv in front of her.
The fact the Xander hadn’t responded was starting to grate on Frank. He looked to his right again, making sure that the ‘wolf wasn’t making some silent obscene gesture in his direction. But Xander was simply watching Sandy as she danced around the inventory with a feather duster.
“Why’re you even here?” Frank groused. “You gonna help us with this assignment or just drive us nuts?”
Xander shrugged, then reached into a pocket of his light jacket.
“Xand! You can’t smoke in here.” Cass said, when he pulled out a thick notepad. He looked at her, an eyebrow raised, then took out a pen and began to write on one of the pages. He tore off the note and passed it to Frank.
Frank read it out loud: “How can I help?”
“So what’s this?” He asked, waving the note. “Has your throat seized from that choke collar Cass’ got you wearing?” Now everyone was looking at Xander.
“It’s a bet,” Cassie said, and all eyes turned to her. She sighed deeply. “It was last week. I bet him that he couldn’t shut the hell up for a while.”
“What’s ‘a while’?” Carrie asked.
“Until I ask him to talk again,” She responded, not looking away from the tv.
Frank now looked at Xander with wide eyes. “So we can count on ten or twenty years of blissful silence from you, eh?” A growl issued from Xand’s chest, but Frank only chuckled. “Please! We both know you can’t do anything to me!” He leaned forward, looking at Xander like a zoo animal. “So, I can say anything to you and you can’t respond?”
Still wearing a harsh look, Xander nodded.
“Well, there’s something I’ve wanted to say for a while,” Frank said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
“Frank-“ Carrie warned, but he waved her off, concentrating on Xander.
“I want to know why the hell you’re still here,” Frank said. “I mean, the only reason you ever hung around was because you were with Jack. But Jack’s long gone. So why’re you still hanging around, Xand? You never officially joined, so why don’t you just go find another pack to haunt?”
“Hey! He’s my friend!” Carrie protested.
“He ain’t pack,” Frank countered. “He doesn’t want to join, no skin off my nose, but if he can’t handle the hazing, why should he get to stick around?” And now Frank leaned forward, saying this directly into Xand’s face. “You’re nothing but a neutered, drunken, obsessive, pathetic leech. Why haven’t you put yourself out of our misery yet?”
“Shut up, Frank!” Shouted Sandy. “God, I never knew you could be such a bully!”
Xand’s face hadn’t moved through Frank’s entire tirade. When Sandy spoke, breaking the spell of hostility flowing from Frank, he looked down. Now all eyes in the room were on Xander as he looked up once more. And everyone saw a single tear running down his cheek.
Frank, wide eyed, backed away. It was the last thing he would’ve expected from Xander. Cass and Carrie, equally surprised, exchanged worried looks.
“Frank!” Carrie said, getting up and rushing over to comfort the ‘wolf. “You made Xander cry!”
“I…I…” Was all Frank could say.
The tears kept flowing from Xander. Carrie had her arm around his shoulder, trying to calm him. With shaking hands, he fumbled for the notepad and wrote something quickly, then passed the note to Carrie. She began to read it with a troubled look, then broke out into a quick smile that she tried to cover with her hand, Finally she pointed at Frank and said, “Ha!”
“What?”
She then read triumphantly from the note Xander wrote: “A true warrior uses every weapon in his arsenal.”
As soon as she said the words, Xander’s whole body language changed. He wasn’t huddled in on himself, weeping, Now he was the arrogant, confident Xander everyone knew, one arm thrown over the back of the chair, legs stretched out, his face beaming from a smirk and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Tears were still sliding down his cheeks, but they were so obviously fake now that they didn’t have nearly the same power.
Everyone went back to what they’d been doing previously. Frank became introspective, wondering how once again his own words were used to bring him down. Cass shook her head and stood up. “C’mon crybaby. You wanna walk?”
Xander shot out of his chair, nodding eagerly.
As they walked down the sidewalk Cass said, “I don’t think that was funny, y’know. You’ve always been good at manipulating people’s emotions, It’s one of the reason I find it so hard to trust you.”
Xand nodded behind her. He’d known it wouldn’t earn him brownie points, but he really had to see if Frank’s comments would force him to explode. As it was, his anger was still firmly in check. His own eyes went wide as he realized something. Maybe Cassie was right, maybe his mouth really was his biggest problem. It was always a surprise and at the same time a warm little bit of reassurance when he found that, while he knew Cass better than she knew herself most times, she could also see into places in his heart that he didn’t know were there.
“Okay,” Cass stopped, glancing back at him. “So how would you answer Frank’s question? Why do you stick around when Jack’s gone?”
Oh, that was easy. He bent forward and took her hands making them cup together. He then cupped both of his hands on his chest so they looked like a heart. He detached this heart and put it into her hands. Just that simple. He stepped back and put both his hands into his jacket pockets, looking for the telltale signs of repulsion on her part.
But Cassie had only one thought: wow. Even without words he was capable of those annoyingly sweet things that she would never forget. No one she knew could make her furious so quickly, or make her forgive him just as swiftly.
She looked up and grabbed Xand’s shoulder. He knew what was coming then and his worried composure turned into a smile. She brought him forward for a deep kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. He put his arms around her waist, letting her push him back against the wall of a restaurant. He relaxed into the kiss, not wanting it to end, just feeling every breath and movement and wave of heat that she gave him.
Cassie pulled back minutely, her lips still on his own. “Xand,” She whispered. “Tell me you love me.”
His only response was a smirk, which Cass could feel instead of see. She giggled. “You’re not gonna fall for that one, are you?” He didn’t even chuckle, just leaned forward for another kiss.
The wager, it seemed, was still on.
~
It took two weeks, but Cass eventually had more time on her hands than she knew what to do with. The most logical option, of course, was to head to Xander’s. They ended up at a bar, seeing as Xander’s conversation skills were nonexistent and any prolonged silence would grate on her nerves.
So, Cass asked what was uppermost on her mind. “Will you ever speak again?”
He responded by pointing at her. Of course. She held the key to his prison of silence, but it was a key that would free more than his tongue. She’d have to admit to her friends and then admit to herself as well. It would mean an end to hiding, the ultimate risk of her heart and soul. Rather than think further about this, she buried her face in Xand’s chest and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her as well, his hands making slow circles on her back.
The feeling of her warmth in his arms was indescribable. Not one day in his relationship with Carrie matched this. He sometimes wondered if Cass thought he compared her to Carrie, but in fact there was no comparison.
He had a feeling that his time in the cage of silence would give him a lot more control in days to come. And he had to believe that there would be days to come, that he and Cass would get past this and eventually be open and caring with each other, no matter what obstacles arose. He had to believe this because to admit anything else was too painful to contemplate. If Cass was a champion at denial, then he was at least a gold medallist in the event himself, it was on of the reasons he understood her so well.
“Hey,” The reverie was broken by a harsh tap on the shoulder. Xander growled, recognizing the guy from his previous bar fight, his ear was still ripped. “You gotta lot o’ nerve.”
Xand held Cass away, smirking viciously. The guy didn’t need any more invitation than that. The fight lasted longer than last time, but the guy was a human and no match for Xander.
He raised his fist, ready to deliver the finishing punch when the guy’s friends came out of the woodwork.
Xander could hardly believe it: he’d been ten seconds from victory, and now not only was he in trouble, but Cass was about to be killed. He was out of options. He dodged an incoming punch, shook a man off his right arm, and shouted, “Cass! Duck! Now!”
Cass dropped instantly, narrowly avoiding a beer bottle to the back of the head.
“Cassie! Get out of here!” She heard Xand shout again, and was already moving when the thought hit her: Xander was talking. But if he hadn’t warned her, she’d have a very severe headache right about then. The implications of what his shouted warning must’ve meant to him washed over her but she didn’t really have time to think about it. A guy was menacing her by the door. She responded by bringing her knee up hard between his legs. His groan was very satisfying until she saw two men holding Xander down.
She didn’t have much time to panic however, Frank and Patrick were already rushing past her to help Xander. She’d never been so happy to see the pack in her whole life.
“What the hell’s going on?” Frank growled, pulling a short redhead off of Xander.
“We’re havin’ a party, Frank, what’s it look like?” Xander smirked, aiming another punch.
Patrick’s mouth dropped open as he dusted off his hands on his pants. “You’re talking! Cassie, did you beg?”
“Nah,” Xand said, waving off any accusations. “I lost the bet, ‘Trick. Cass wins, like usual.” He let out a long sigh, “Still, I’ve got my devilishly handsome face, that’s sure to get me through.”
“Same mouth, huh, Xander?” Cass chuckled.
She couldn’t see his eyes in the bar’s shadows. “Yeah, that’s me. Born a loser and I’ll die a loser.” She didn’t detect the sadness in his voice, as she rushed forward to meet Carrie and Sandy at the door to tell them everything that’d happened. Cass didn’t often get to describe humans shorter than her, so she was happily engaged in describing the guy’s baggy pants when she looked around. “Where’d Xand go?”
Frank pointed. “Back outside. Looked like he took losing that bet pretty hard.”
Cass’ eyes went wide and she darted outside, trying to find Xander in the darkness.
Three blocks away Xander was slowly making his way down the sidewalk, not really caring where his feet were taking him. Cass was unhurt, The world would go on. But his own world has just gotten a serious hitch. She hadn’t forbid him from feeling, but now he could never act on it. Looked like taking Jack away hadn’t been enough, the world wanted a second chance to rob him of everything that made him want to leave his house in the morning. Maybe he wouldn’t leave it anymore. Too bad there wasn’t any traffic, maybe he could find a nice eighteen wheeler to throw himself in front of.
Xand was so caught up in his thoughts that he was completely unprepared for the attack from behind. Cass grabbed him by the neck, pulling him back.
“You’re not going anywhere, mister.” Cassie growled through a smile, then locked her lips to his for a deep kiss.
Xand actually broke away first. “C-Cassie! You’re welshin’ on the bet!”
“Yep,” Cass smirked. “Not the first time, and not the last. It was just a game, Xand, and I’m a little tired of games, aren’t you?”
His response was to wrap his arms around her and pull her into another kiss. When he allowed her to breathe he continued to stare at her face, pulling a few strands of dark hair out of the way so he could see her more clearly in the streetlights’ illumination.
Cass giggled up at Xand and the look of awe dancing in his eyes. “You’re allowed to talk now, Xand. Don’t you have some terrible line to ruin this tender moment?”
“Nu-uh, I’ve learned my lesson. If we’re gonna try to make this thing better between us, and I assume we are,” Cass gave a solemn nod to his questioning gaze. “Then you’re not the only one who’ll have to change. I’ll be pulling my share of the load, and that includes shutting my damn mouth when you think it’s best.”
Cassie reached up and caressed his face, grinning.
Xand’s face suddenly took on that awed look again. “Shit, Cass, do you realize…?
“What, Xand?”
“My voice. It’s f**k**g beautiful!”
Cass’ laughter could be heard through the night several houses away.
They wagered with each other all the time. About who could drink the most. About who could tag the tallest building. About who could Change the fastest. About who could touch silver the longest. About who could creep out the most humans. Needless to say, it was the type of thing they did when there was nothing better to do and they were both bored.
But Cass liked betting with Xand because it had rules, definite boundaries she could use to box him in. It was one of the safest ways to be around the pure blood, so she naturally used it to her advantage. Xand never backed away from a bet, never refused to abide by whatever torture came with a loss. Cassie couldn’t say the same. It might have been unfair, but it was hardly the worst of the cruelties she dealt out to him. He never called her on it and she continued to get away with it. Though, secretly, she was well aware that she owed Xander 357 kisses and a backrub. Maybe she’d let him collect in her old age.
Xander always came back for more, of course. Wagering was one of first things he did when she got alcohol poisoning, in an attempt to keep her awake. He bet her that he could think of more people who loved him than she could think of those who loved her. He began with Carrie, of course, but she disqualified that, since they’d been in a fight for over three weeks. So he said “Sandy”, and Cass had to accept it.
She returned with “Frank.” He nodded and tried not to let her see his panic. He’d suddenly run out of people. So he unhesitantly began to invent a string of women.
“Sarah.”
“Tony.”
“Rachel.”
“Um. Patrick.”
“Vickie.”
Cass was panicking now, definitely waking up. Faces kept flashing through her mind and she kept rejecting them for the word ‘love’. Now that she thought about it, it was amazing how many enemies she could recall, all with the mental word ‘hate’ stamped on their foreheads.
“My mom.” Cass finally squeaked out.
“There you go, Cassie, I knew you could think of another one! Me, I have tons of other selections. Why, there’s… there’s… um…” He blinked and looked down at her. “Shit, Cass, I can’t think of anyone else. Looks like we’re tied.” He paused for a moment, then caught her eyes again. “Unless you can think of one more person.”
“Can I say family friends? Since I have to put up with them several times a year?”
“Nope, sorry. They love your daddy’s money.”
“Xander!” Cass growled, vaguely insulted.
“Xander!” He shouted, sitting up. “One other person who loves you! Dammit, Cass, I guess you win.” He sighed dramatically, his entire body slumped. “So you get to dress me for the next three days. You’re brutal with these wages.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Cass grinned, any lingering resentment fading away.
~
Now they were both months away from that initial wager. They were entirely different people than they’d been then, just after Jack left. Their intimacy had grown, at the expense of their friendliness. They still had their bets, but that was about as comfortable as she got around him these days. At least with their clothes on.
She was walking on the evening during her father’s birthday party, she’d snuck out to get away from the family friends. She knew where she was headed the whole time, in the back of her head, even though she’d set out to wander aimlessly.
As if on cue, she heard Xand’s voice over her left shoulder. “Can I help you, Miss?”
Cass closed her eyes and stood in place. “No, I’m fine. I have to get home before they miss me.”
”No problem, I won’t keep you. I just wanted to say thanks.”
Trust him to surprise her. She spun around and glared at him. “What? Why?”
She caught him in the middle of taking a drag from his cigarette and he couldn’t quite look her in the eye. “Well, I didn’t get to say this at the party, but I saw what you did. When that trash Frank brought wanted to buy you a drink, you could’ve said yes. It wouldn’t have meant anything, really, but you knew it’d hurt me. And you didn’t. So, I just wanted to say thanks, because I don’t think I say it enough. Thanks.”
Cass let out a deep sigh. “Xand, why do you have to do that?”
“Do what?”
“Act all sweet when I’m trying to figure out the ways you’re a bad influence on me. Where’s all that ‘move in with me’ talk now?”
Xand snorted. “I still want you to, just not the kind of thing I thought to bring up. Unless you’re in the mood to pack your bags?”
“You just can’t shut up, can you?” She asked, a hint of a grin on her lips. “Xand, I bet you can’t shut up for even a day.”
He looked back with a new flame of hope burning in him. “It’s a wager you want, Cassie?” He asked, thanking God for old routines they could fall back on. “Why not tell me the stakes?”
“Everything.” Cass answered. “I win and you give up. I don’t care how you feel, you just don’t get to act on it. You leave me alone forever.”
“And if I win?”
Cassie’s throat was so tight she could barely croak out a response. “I’ll try,” She said. “I’ll admit that we’re going out. And you and I will actually work at this thing we have.” She shook her head, causing her choppy bangs to fall over her eyes. “But for stakes this high it has to be more than a day.”
“No arguments here,” Xand replied. “So, how ‘bout this: I’ll stay silent until the day you beg me to talk again.”
Cass stared at him. No way he was going to be able to pull that off. And have her beg? Was he giving her an out? Ready to accept defeat? A small part of her hoped not. “You’d do that?”
Xand nodded. “That and more. You never believed that I’d do anything for you, and I’ve been waiting for you to really challenge me. Now I get to show you what I can do with a little inspiration.” He took three large steps forward, his right hand extended. “Do you accept?”
She took his hand and they shook, solemnly, both looking at the interlocked hands. She heard him whisper, “I love you,” then she looked up. He mimed a zipper being drawn across his lips, then smirked at her. He actually had to tug his hand out of her own, something told her she might not get to touch him again for some time.
But Xand appeared joyful, with a laugh almost ready to burst from him. He actually had a bounce to his step when he turned to walk back to his house.
Cass watched him leave, then suddenly looked to her watch. “Shit!” She squeaked, and set off for her house at a dead run.
~
Xander went missing from Cass’ life for five days. It was strange how little that affected her routine. To Cassie it was like part of her day was missing, like the mail stopped coming for a week. But no one else commented on it, he was never mentioned at the parties, or at school either. She’d taken Xander for granted for a while anyway, and a week without his presence at the pack meetings was nothing new. But Cassandra felt his absence, and reflected on the fact that he fit into those little space in her life where nothing else did. The friends, the family, the pack, the shopping, the time she spent sleeping, it all added up until there were just pits and pieces of her week that weren’t full. And those places were where she usually placed Xander. Each meeting was at her convenience, as if he weren’t worthy of disrupting her life at all. God, those first three days she stayed over at his place, hadn’t he practically begged her for just a crumb of affection? It seemed that was just what she’d been allowing him for weeks now: crumbs of her precious time.
For Xand’s part, he spent those days practicing. He knew he could control himself enough not to speak around Cassie or the pack, no matter what they would do to get a rise out of him. But what if someone surprised him? The stakes were far too high to let something like that happen. So he practiced being completely silent with himself alone, never uttering a sound as he puttered around his place or walked around at night. On the third day he went to a bar for a drink and stayed awhile to see what the kids were talking about these days. He got into a satisfying bar fight and tore a souvenir earring off some wangster, all without speaking once. His greatest test came on the fifth day when he was fixing a bookcase in his room. He let the hammer slip and smashed his thumb. For a full second he felt sure that he would scream, but a second can stretch out in intense pain. In that second he was able to weigh all options, gather strength he usually didn’t use outside of bar room fights, and clench his jaw. He didn’t even grunt as he looked at the poor thumb, throbbing in waves of pain.
He was ready, time for the Frank test.
The little bell announced Xand’s arrival in the shop, the pack’s daytime hangout, and everyone looked up to see who’d entered. All eyes then turned back to what they were doing, except for Cassie’s. He held her eyes and gave her a winning smile, the whole world disappearing for a moment except for them. Then his smile became a smirk, and he loped forward and took a chair at the table beside Frank, lounging indolently there.
“Well, well,” Frank growled. “Look who’s decided to grace us with his presence.”
Xander just sat, looking at the ceiling, or silently counting the books on the shelves. Cassie was squirming in her seat on the other side of the room but she kept her eyes locked on the tv in front of her.
The fact the Xander hadn’t responded was starting to grate on Frank. He looked to his right again, making sure that the ‘wolf wasn’t making some silent obscene gesture in his direction. But Xander was simply watching Sandy as she danced around the inventory with a feather duster.
“Why’re you even here?” Frank groused. “You gonna help us with this assignment or just drive us nuts?”
Xander shrugged, then reached into a pocket of his light jacket.
“Xand! You can’t smoke in here.” Cass said, when he pulled out a thick notepad. He looked at her, an eyebrow raised, then took out a pen and began to write on one of the pages. He tore off the note and passed it to Frank.
Frank read it out loud: “How can I help?”
“So what’s this?” He asked, waving the note. “Has your throat seized from that choke collar Cass’ got you wearing?” Now everyone was looking at Xander.
“It’s a bet,” Cassie said, and all eyes turned to her. She sighed deeply. “It was last week. I bet him that he couldn’t shut the hell up for a while.”
“What’s ‘a while’?” Carrie asked.
“Until I ask him to talk again,” She responded, not looking away from the tv.
Frank now looked at Xander with wide eyes. “So we can count on ten or twenty years of blissful silence from you, eh?” A growl issued from Xand’s chest, but Frank only chuckled. “Please! We both know you can’t do anything to me!” He leaned forward, looking at Xander like a zoo animal. “So, I can say anything to you and you can’t respond?”
Still wearing a harsh look, Xander nodded.
“Well, there’s something I’ve wanted to say for a while,” Frank said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
“Frank-“ Carrie warned, but he waved her off, concentrating on Xander.
“I want to know why the hell you’re still here,” Frank said. “I mean, the only reason you ever hung around was because you were with Jack. But Jack’s long gone. So why’re you still hanging around, Xand? You never officially joined, so why don’t you just go find another pack to haunt?”
“Hey! He’s my friend!” Carrie protested.
“He ain’t pack,” Frank countered. “He doesn’t want to join, no skin off my nose, but if he can’t handle the hazing, why should he get to stick around?” And now Frank leaned forward, saying this directly into Xand’s face. “You’re nothing but a neutered, drunken, obsessive, pathetic leech. Why haven’t you put yourself out of our misery yet?”
“Shut up, Frank!” Shouted Sandy. “God, I never knew you could be such a bully!”
Xand’s face hadn’t moved through Frank’s entire tirade. When Sandy spoke, breaking the spell of hostility flowing from Frank, he looked down. Now all eyes in the room were on Xander as he looked up once more. And everyone saw a single tear running down his cheek.
Frank, wide eyed, backed away. It was the last thing he would’ve expected from Xander. Cass and Carrie, equally surprised, exchanged worried looks.
“Frank!” Carrie said, getting up and rushing over to comfort the ‘wolf. “You made Xander cry!”
“I…I…” Was all Frank could say.
The tears kept flowing from Xander. Carrie had her arm around his shoulder, trying to calm him. With shaking hands, he fumbled for the notepad and wrote something quickly, then passed the note to Carrie. She began to read it with a troubled look, then broke out into a quick smile that she tried to cover with her hand, Finally she pointed at Frank and said, “Ha!”
“What?”
She then read triumphantly from the note Xander wrote: “A true warrior uses every weapon in his arsenal.”
As soon as she said the words, Xander’s whole body language changed. He wasn’t huddled in on himself, weeping, Now he was the arrogant, confident Xander everyone knew, one arm thrown over the back of the chair, legs stretched out, his face beaming from a smirk and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Tears were still sliding down his cheeks, but they were so obviously fake now that they didn’t have nearly the same power.
Everyone went back to what they’d been doing previously. Frank became introspective, wondering how once again his own words were used to bring him down. Cass shook her head and stood up. “C’mon crybaby. You wanna walk?”
Xander shot out of his chair, nodding eagerly.
As they walked down the sidewalk Cass said, “I don’t think that was funny, y’know. You’ve always been good at manipulating people’s emotions, It’s one of the reason I find it so hard to trust you.”
Xand nodded behind her. He’d known it wouldn’t earn him brownie points, but he really had to see if Frank’s comments would force him to explode. As it was, his anger was still firmly in check. His own eyes went wide as he realized something. Maybe Cassie was right, maybe his mouth really was his biggest problem. It was always a surprise and at the same time a warm little bit of reassurance when he found that, while he knew Cass better than she knew herself most times, she could also see into places in his heart that he didn’t know were there.
“Okay,” Cass stopped, glancing back at him. “So how would you answer Frank’s question? Why do you stick around when Jack’s gone?”
Oh, that was easy. He bent forward and took her hands making them cup together. He then cupped both of his hands on his chest so they looked like a heart. He detached this heart and put it into her hands. Just that simple. He stepped back and put both his hands into his jacket pockets, looking for the telltale signs of repulsion on her part.
But Cassie had only one thought: wow. Even without words he was capable of those annoyingly sweet things that she would never forget. No one she knew could make her furious so quickly, or make her forgive him just as swiftly.
She looked up and grabbed Xand’s shoulder. He knew what was coming then and his worried composure turned into a smile. She brought him forward for a deep kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. He put his arms around her waist, letting her push him back against the wall of a restaurant. He relaxed into the kiss, not wanting it to end, just feeling every breath and movement and wave of heat that she gave him.
Cassie pulled back minutely, her lips still on his own. “Xand,” She whispered. “Tell me you love me.”
His only response was a smirk, which Cass could feel instead of see. She giggled. “You’re not gonna fall for that one, are you?” He didn’t even chuckle, just leaned forward for another kiss.
The wager, it seemed, was still on.
~
It took two weeks, but Cass eventually had more time on her hands than she knew what to do with. The most logical option, of course, was to head to Xander’s. They ended up at a bar, seeing as Xander’s conversation skills were nonexistent and any prolonged silence would grate on her nerves.
So, Cass asked what was uppermost on her mind. “Will you ever speak again?”
He responded by pointing at her. Of course. She held the key to his prison of silence, but it was a key that would free more than his tongue. She’d have to admit to her friends and then admit to herself as well. It would mean an end to hiding, the ultimate risk of her heart and soul. Rather than think further about this, she buried her face in Xand’s chest and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her as well, his hands making slow circles on her back.
The feeling of her warmth in his arms was indescribable. Not one day in his relationship with Carrie matched this. He sometimes wondered if Cass thought he compared her to Carrie, but in fact there was no comparison.
He had a feeling that his time in the cage of silence would give him a lot more control in days to come. And he had to believe that there would be days to come, that he and Cass would get past this and eventually be open and caring with each other, no matter what obstacles arose. He had to believe this because to admit anything else was too painful to contemplate. If Cass was a champion at denial, then he was at least a gold medallist in the event himself, it was on of the reasons he understood her so well.
“Hey,” The reverie was broken by a harsh tap on the shoulder. Xander growled, recognizing the guy from his previous bar fight, his ear was still ripped. “You gotta lot o’ nerve.”
Xand held Cass away, smirking viciously. The guy didn’t need any more invitation than that. The fight lasted longer than last time, but the guy was a human and no match for Xander.
He raised his fist, ready to deliver the finishing punch when the guy’s friends came out of the woodwork.
Xander could hardly believe it: he’d been ten seconds from victory, and now not only was he in trouble, but Cass was about to be killed. He was out of options. He dodged an incoming punch, shook a man off his right arm, and shouted, “Cass! Duck! Now!”
Cass dropped instantly, narrowly avoiding a beer bottle to the back of the head.
“Cassie! Get out of here!” She heard Xand shout again, and was already moving when the thought hit her: Xander was talking. But if he hadn’t warned her, she’d have a very severe headache right about then. The implications of what his shouted warning must’ve meant to him washed over her but she didn’t really have time to think about it. A guy was menacing her by the door. She responded by bringing her knee up hard between his legs. His groan was very satisfying until she saw two men holding Xander down.
She didn’t have much time to panic however, Frank and Patrick were already rushing past her to help Xander. She’d never been so happy to see the pack in her whole life.
“What the hell’s going on?” Frank growled, pulling a short redhead off of Xander.
“We’re havin’ a party, Frank, what’s it look like?” Xander smirked, aiming another punch.
Patrick’s mouth dropped open as he dusted off his hands on his pants. “You’re talking! Cassie, did you beg?”
“Nah,” Xand said, waving off any accusations. “I lost the bet, ‘Trick. Cass wins, like usual.” He let out a long sigh, “Still, I’ve got my devilishly handsome face, that’s sure to get me through.”
“Same mouth, huh, Xander?” Cass chuckled.
She couldn’t see his eyes in the bar’s shadows. “Yeah, that’s me. Born a loser and I’ll die a loser.” She didn’t detect the sadness in his voice, as she rushed forward to meet Carrie and Sandy at the door to tell them everything that’d happened. Cass didn’t often get to describe humans shorter than her, so she was happily engaged in describing the guy’s baggy pants when she looked around. “Where’d Xand go?”
Frank pointed. “Back outside. Looked like he took losing that bet pretty hard.”
Cass’ eyes went wide and she darted outside, trying to find Xander in the darkness.
Three blocks away Xander was slowly making his way down the sidewalk, not really caring where his feet were taking him. Cass was unhurt, The world would go on. But his own world has just gotten a serious hitch. She hadn’t forbid him from feeling, but now he could never act on it. Looked like taking Jack away hadn’t been enough, the world wanted a second chance to rob him of everything that made him want to leave his house in the morning. Maybe he wouldn’t leave it anymore. Too bad there wasn’t any traffic, maybe he could find a nice eighteen wheeler to throw himself in front of.
Xand was so caught up in his thoughts that he was completely unprepared for the attack from behind. Cass grabbed him by the neck, pulling him back.
“You’re not going anywhere, mister.” Cassie growled through a smile, then locked her lips to his for a deep kiss.
Xand actually broke away first. “C-Cassie! You’re welshin’ on the bet!”
“Yep,” Cass smirked. “Not the first time, and not the last. It was just a game, Xand, and I’m a little tired of games, aren’t you?”
His response was to wrap his arms around her and pull her into another kiss. When he allowed her to breathe he continued to stare at her face, pulling a few strands of dark hair out of the way so he could see her more clearly in the streetlights’ illumination.
Cass giggled up at Xand and the look of awe dancing in his eyes. “You’re allowed to talk now, Xand. Don’t you have some terrible line to ruin this tender moment?”
“Nu-uh, I’ve learned my lesson. If we’re gonna try to make this thing better between us, and I assume we are,” Cass gave a solemn nod to his questioning gaze. “Then you’re not the only one who’ll have to change. I’ll be pulling my share of the load, and that includes shutting my damn mouth when you think it’s best.”
Cassie reached up and caressed his face, grinning.
Xand’s face suddenly took on that awed look again. “Shit, Cass, do you realize…?
“What, Xand?”
“My voice. It’s f**k**g beautiful!”
Cass’ laughter could be heard through the night several houses away.
