Post by Jack Lupus on Jun 22, 2007 3:44:26 GMT -5
Kaitlyn’s first memory is of her mother’s face when she accidentally calls Xander ‘daddy’. She didn’t mean to, didn’t mean to make her mommy’s eyes go wet and red like her own did when she fell and scraped her knee, didn’t mean to make Xander’s face go blank and vacant like her doll’s eyes. It was an accident and she tried to say so because mommy always says it’s important to make things right when you make a mistake but she’s swooped up in mommy’s arms before she can make a whimper.
“Xander loves you very much,” Mommy’s voice is gentle, but her tone makes Kait feel like crying. “But he’s not your daddy.”
The kids at school are mean to her. They make fun of her and call her parents names she doesn’t understand. She asks her mommy what ‘whore’ and ‘halfsie’ means and she’s never been afraid of her mommy, but she’s afraid of her for the kids’ sakes.
Later that night she can hear her mommy and Xander fighting in the hushed tones they don’t think make it into her bedroom. Mommy says the bad words and then Xander shouts and lowers his voice like he knows she’s listening. She puts her head under her pillow because she doesn’t want to listen. She doesn’t want to be bad. The door slams and outside she can hear mommy’s pretty blue mustang rev to life and squeal down the street. Xander yells a bad word and there’s a loud crash like the time she rode her bike into the china cabinet. She curls up and pretends to be asleep when Xander opens the door to check on her.
The kids who called her mommy the bad name will only look at her sideways and Kait wishes she hadn’t said anything because then she wouldn’t be so lonely.
Grandpa’s house is her third most favoritest place in the world. It’s huge and all the rooms make her feel like she’s in a castle. Grandma and grandpa make her feel like a princess. But Xander doesn’t like it so much. He smiles and jokes with mommy when she’s in the room but when she sneaks around when she’s playing ‘wolf’ she sees the looks he and grandpa exchange. It makes her sad like the time mommy got in an accident and Xander cried.
Kait thinks daddy must be lonely because he doesn’t have someone like mommy has Xander. She asks him about it once but he smiled and ruffled her hair.
“What do I need someone for? I’ve got you.” He makes her feel important but Kait still doesn’t think it’s fair because she isn’t always with him like Xander is with mommy.
Sometimes mommy won’t let her go to see daddy because she says he’s sick but Xander tells her he’s always sick because he got his heart hurt. He makes her promise not to say anything to her mommy or daddy and she doesn’t. Ever. But at night mommy and Xander fight and mommy says that Jack shouldn’t get to see her because he’s a no good drunk but Xander says she needs to see her daddy. Kait whimpers and hopes Xander will convince mommy.
Mommy says she’s sick and daddy and Xander talk but daddy leaves before mommy comes home. They don’t like each other anymore. But mommy and Xander talk and Kait colors and pretends not to listen. Mommy tells him she isn’t sick, that they’re gonna have a baby, and Xander smiles like she’s never seen him smile before. He smiles like no one’s watching.
Kait pretends she wasn’t dropping eaves and imagines her daddy smiling like that when mommy told him they were going to have her.
“Xander loves you very much,” Mommy’s voice is gentle, but her tone makes Kait feel like crying. “But he’s not your daddy.”
The kids at school are mean to her. They make fun of her and call her parents names she doesn’t understand. She asks her mommy what ‘whore’ and ‘halfsie’ means and she’s never been afraid of her mommy, but she’s afraid of her for the kids’ sakes.
Later that night she can hear her mommy and Xander fighting in the hushed tones they don’t think make it into her bedroom. Mommy says the bad words and then Xander shouts and lowers his voice like he knows she’s listening. She puts her head under her pillow because she doesn’t want to listen. She doesn’t want to be bad. The door slams and outside she can hear mommy’s pretty blue mustang rev to life and squeal down the street. Xander yells a bad word and there’s a loud crash like the time she rode her bike into the china cabinet. She curls up and pretends to be asleep when Xander opens the door to check on her.
The kids who called her mommy the bad name will only look at her sideways and Kait wishes she hadn’t said anything because then she wouldn’t be so lonely.
Grandpa’s house is her third most favoritest place in the world. It’s huge and all the rooms make her feel like she’s in a castle. Grandma and grandpa make her feel like a princess. But Xander doesn’t like it so much. He smiles and jokes with mommy when she’s in the room but when she sneaks around when she’s playing ‘wolf’ she sees the looks he and grandpa exchange. It makes her sad like the time mommy got in an accident and Xander cried.
Kait thinks daddy must be lonely because he doesn’t have someone like mommy has Xander. She asks him about it once but he smiled and ruffled her hair.
“What do I need someone for? I’ve got you.” He makes her feel important but Kait still doesn’t think it’s fair because she isn’t always with him like Xander is with mommy.
Sometimes mommy won’t let her go to see daddy because she says he’s sick but Xander tells her he’s always sick because he got his heart hurt. He makes her promise not to say anything to her mommy or daddy and she doesn’t. Ever. But at night mommy and Xander fight and mommy says that Jack shouldn’t get to see her because he’s a no good drunk but Xander says she needs to see her daddy. Kait whimpers and hopes Xander will convince mommy.
Mommy says she’s sick and daddy and Xander talk but daddy leaves before mommy comes home. They don’t like each other anymore. But mommy and Xander talk and Kait colors and pretends not to listen. Mommy tells him she isn’t sick, that they’re gonna have a baby, and Xander smiles like she’s never seen him smile before. He smiles like no one’s watching.
Kait pretends she wasn’t dropping eaves and imagines her daddy smiling like that when mommy told him they were going to have her.
